Ahhh, the talking stage- an inevitable part of dating in 2020. Months of Snapchats, FaceTimes, dates, overthinking, confusion, stress, anger, love? Hello, talking stage.
While this time spent exploring the possibility of a new relationship is often thrilling, it usually ends in becoming complete strangers a few months later. So, I’m just here to say that personally, I think the talking stage of a relationship is total bullshit and for several reasons.
You’ll act like a couple, but aren’t officially a couple because remember, you’re “just talking.”
You’ll text and Snapchat all day, cuddle, hold hands, go on dates, maybe even meet their friends, but the catch, there’s no commitment because YOU”RE JUST TALKING. At first it can be fun, still being able to Snap flirtatiously with others, keeping your roster open, getting asked on dates, it’s all fun. Right? But once you realize they’re doing the same thing and that they’re allowed to, someone’s bound to get hurt. So, that person you want to be yours… they’re not. Everything’s fair game in the talking stage and that includes sleeping with other people.
You won’t know your boundaries.
Because the other person isn’t officially your boyfriend or girlfriend yet, you’re not really sure if what you’re doing is too much or not enough. During the talking stage, you don’t want to scare them away by let’s say asking them to go on a date on Valentine’s Day. This might be enough to scare just about anyone off, but you also don’t want to not do enough. Not showing enough interest can lead to the other person starting to look elsewhere.
You’ll wonder things like “am I being too clingy by asking them to hangout two times in one week?” “Are they looking for a relationship or are they just looking for a hookup?” The talking stage is full of unknown boundaries like these and until you talk to your partner, you’ll be left overthinking and feeling anxious.
They’ll be DTF, but not DTR.
When friends and family ask what you guys are, you instantly get mentally exhausted. I don’t even have enough time or energy to explain to my friends and family who this month’s “boyfriend” is, let alone even bothering to save his number in my phone. So, you’ll opt for “that guy from college” or “baseball guy”. Oh, and don’t even try to explain to your parents why you’re only “talking.” When my parents were my age they were married. They just won’t get it.
It might not workout.
No matter how good you may think things are going during the talking stage, there’s always a chance it might not workout. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought to myself “maybe this will turn into more.” Usually this is followed with a quick “ope never mind” a few days later.
It sucks, but it’s the risk you take during the talking stage. Take a few days to process what went wrong and then jump back into the dating pool and find another handsome stranger to fall for all over again.
You’ll get absolutely no closure.
In my talking stage experiences, it’s always been “I think you’re really nice and fun, but I’m just not looking for a relationship right now. We can keep hooking up though.” Sweet, count me in! NOT. When this happens its usually just easier to ghost each other and never talk about it again instead of chatting face-to-face about how you feel.
In a few weeks, you’ll forget it ever happened, until they hit you up with that random “you up” text or re-add on Snapchat a few months later.
Don’t fall back into that trap.
Do what you want with this information because after all, I’m a single 23-year old who’s never made it past the talking stage. Xoxo.
- Your Basic Blonde
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